Me: people suck
Me: morons suck
Me: people i went to high school with suck
Me: people i used to think were my friends suck
Someone_Else: well glad to see that you're so positive today
Me: i hate almost everybody today
Me: some people can not grow up
Me: they are stuck with 10th grade mentality
Me: they're cursed to annoy the sh*t out of everyone they know
Me: because they can not grow up
Me: then again,
Me: it could be
Me: because the guys that they call friends befriended them in high school roughly 10th - 11th grade they are STUCK with that because in their minds they've said, "ok well they like me this way i'll stay this way forever." and that's what they do
Me: why is it that human nature allows us not to be what we want to be
Someone_Else: geez..breathe!
Me: we have to be what we think everyone else wants us to be
Me: we have to gain approval of everyone aroun dus
Me: *around us
Me: why can we not say, "you don't like me, f*ck you. That's your deal. You don't have to like me."
Me: but instead we say, "oh you don't like me. I can't have that let me become who you want me to be."
Me: why is it that we are forced to stay children
Me: we spend the first 20 some-odd years of our life trying to be grown up
Me: when we get there we want to be a kid again
Me: that's the meaning of life
Me: as a human you're never going to be truly happy
Someone_Else: what a lovely thought
Me: since man was exiled from the Garden of Eden we have been cursed to be discontent with something.
Me: The real meaning of life is simply you spend so much on getting what you want that when you get it you realize how much happier you were
Me: your quest to get there was pyrrhic
Me: be content just being who you are. what you are.
Me: don't ask questions about yourself. be yourself
Me: in the Bible it says you are not to question God.
Me: by questioning yourself and others you are questioning God.
Me: by asking why did this happen to me, am I this when I should be that, should I do this because of that, if this happens should I do something about it. The only thing you should do is what you feel is right
Me: not what you think is right
Me: what you feel
Me: your brain and heart are in constant battle for control
Me: it's the never-ending saga of God verses the Devil
Me: God controls the heart; where you know what you should do.
Me: The Devil controls the mind; where you think you know what you should do.
Me: Only the penitent man yields full control to his heart and God.
Me: the saga only continues to become more complex when after realizing this is ture
Me: *true
Me: the man finds himself in a paradox.
Me: If this is true why can't I ask.
Me: one of my favorite verses in the Bible is the answer to that question:
Me: Ecclesiastes 1:18:
He who increases knowledge increases sorrow.
Me: that tells me God wanted us to live and be happy.
Me: when you begin to want to know more, when you begin to wonder why things happen, why life is the way it is or why people act the way they do or even do the things they do.
Me: you are beginning a quest for knowledge
Me: in that quest
Me: you have begun a life of pain and suffering
Me: God doesn't want us to ask questions
Me: he wants us to be merry and exist
Me: life itself is a paradox
Me: perhaps it is the scientist in me that wants to know, that hungers for knowledge.
Me: In that case I was damned from the start.
Me: Am I to draw from that, that I should just take it with stride and keep going. Am I to bring my quest to an end. or Am I allowed to ask questions
Me: Perhaps my questions have been in vain
Me: perhaps I am damned while on this earth we call Earth
Me: perhaps I am one of the lucky few graced with the gift of knowledge only to pay such a price as it makes life pyrrhic.
Me: That explains autism. Many autistic people have such uncanny thinking abilities yet can't function in society at large because of their handicap.
Me: Take into account the case of Raymond Babbit
Me: a man many of us would not know by his formal name
Me: I myself am ashamed to admit I had to look up his name, which tells you I am no expert on his case, how ever I do know enough to say that had it not been for certain actors Raymond Babbit's story would have never been as popular nor would his name even touch your ear.
Me: Raymond Babbit was portrayed by Dustin Hoffman in a movie with Tom Cruise simply titled after the nickname of Raymond Babbit, Rainman.
Me: Raymond Babbit is a mathematical genius. He has the supernatural ability of processing mathematical equations small as well as large in mere seconds all in his head. However Raymond Babbit was never really allowed to take part in society because of his handicap.
Me: His autism made him the target of ridicule and disbelief.
Me: Raymond Babbit is a genius. He has the gift of superb knowledge. He also is not a part of society. He can exist. His life will never be complete.
Me: Then again maybe he is happy. Maybe his handicap makes is out weighed by his knowledge. Maybe he is happy
Me: .
Me: I truly hope so. I wish I could calm my mind for only a moment.
Me: A pure calm. One that exists with out the use of recreational drugs or sedatives.
Me: a calm that can only exist with the presence a honestly pure relationship with God.
Me: (Hey Someone_Else) please press enter i'm getting tired of reading at the bottom of my IM window that you have entered text
Me: If these things are not the meaning of life.
Me: What is?
Me: There again we place ourselves in a paradox.
Me: Life cannot exist with out asking questions.
Me: you might say it can. but think of this. Let us pose that statement again, only this time we'll continue the other side of the coin and watch what happens.
Me: Life cannot exist with out asking questions. Or can it?
Me: see at that point we prove our point and disprove our question.
Me: Life cannot exist without questions.
Me: I for one am not one to roll over and take it. I was once that way (as you well know).
Me: I grew out of that.
Me: In the process of growing out of that stage in my life. I had a life altering experience.
Me: When I awoke. Life was different. The world i knew looked Different.
Me: Most would think that due to the timing of this unfortunate accident it would have stunted my growth. It did not. It magnified it.
Me: I realized that. Due to the short amount of time I am going to be on this planet. I will do something with myself I will do what I want to do. I will do something great. I will be great and nothing will get in my way.
Me: and God placed the seed of inquisitiveness in my body and soul. That is my purpose. I am supposed to do what God wants me to do. It means my life is not going to be easy getting there. However, in the end I'll have done what God asked me to do make a difference.
Me: As I make these statements and ponder their truth
Me: i find they are true by the actions of those around me.
Me: Good-night world. May you be fair to all that blossom from you.

EOF